I can never finish self-improvement books that contain exercises. When I first come across the book and leaf through it, or research the author and customer reviews, I feel "this is it; this is exactly the sort of question I need to be asking myself at this point, this will get me to the next level, the next profound understanding that suddenly releases insecurity and fear and opens doors."

I have a whole ritual for these books. They must be read at night, just before going to sleep, to ensure I end my day with positive or thought provoking ideas that somehow require going through the process of sleep to be assimilated. I must have a notebook at hand to jot down life altering quotes and record every exercise as though there were going to be a final test. Every time, I am positive I will return to these quotes in the future, or memorize them and recite them in a moment of weakness or despair. I never do, or very rarely. Interestingly, the one "quote" I have memorized and never forgotten was from a conference on tape. It has two entire paragraphs. THAT one made an impression, and I did not even do it on purpose.

This game is sustained for about two or three chapters, but with distinctly less gusto at each sitting, until I finally end up in front of my bookcase looking for something else to read. I convince myself that I need variety and will return to the book with life altering exercises. I do not. I made bookmarks several years ago. I was going to sell them in gift shops; nearly all of them mark the page of some abandoned, self-imposed reading assignment. When it comes time to shed a few things from my environment, I will review each book with the intention of passing it on and will be unable to do so. I will not finish them either.

It is not that I do not learn anything from them. Quite the opposite. My gut feeling says, "Read it through, absorb it, savor the spur of the moment epiphanies without forcing them, move on." The exercises are for people who like exercises. Why can I not just honor my own style? Why do we impose such arbitrary rules on ourselves? Some students need to study and memorize for hours and days prior to a test. Others just get it. They absorb and move on. Maybe this is my reading style. A book is really a sort of conversation, or a fascinating conference one attends at one's own pace. I have walked out on so many of these great opportunities to be engrossed in a good story, to be inspired, to be encouraged. I am a book drop out!

Perhaps the very existence of books with exercises tricks us into believing that we must adhere to the concept in order to get something out of the book. Says who? Perhaps it gives the illusion that it is no longer a book for one's simple reading enjoyment, but rather more akin to a school textbook, which must be approached a certain way, the right way. So now, another book sits on my table, with a bookmark where I left off, where I gave up on interrupting the enjoyment of reading because I did not want to stop for yet another soul-searching exercise. I do not believe this is because I do not want to know what I might discover about myself by answering the questions and writing about them. It is because deep down inside I am getting answers; analyzing them is often not the answer!

Slainte!